What do you hope your kids will remember about you when you’re gone?
What type of mom do you want to be remembered for? What will your kids and grandkids say about you after you’re gone? That’s what we’re going to talk about in today’s show.
WELCOME TO EPISODE 40 OF REDEEMING THE CHAOS WITH LAURIE CHRISTINE.
WRITE YOU’RE OWN EULOGY
I was listening to a podcast the other day and the host challenged the listeners to write out your own eulogy. (You know — that speech they give at your funeral and say nice things about you.)
What do you want it to say? How will your children remember you?
At first I thought this exercise was a little bit creepy. I don’t like to think about speeches at my funeral. But I went ahead and did it and I thought it was actually very helpful.
First, I made a list of what I want to be remembered for:
- Loving my children and (future) grandchildren well
- Loving my husband well
- Having fun with my kids
- My love for books
- My love for God and his Word
- My desire to teach my kids to love the Lord and live courageously for Christ
- Being a loyal friend
- Being a resource for other moms to help them connect with their boys and point them to Christ
I’d like to encourage you to make a similar list. Keep it in a prominent place where you can refer back to it. Ask yourself: What am I doing today that will make these statements true of me? Is there anything I’m doing today / this week / this year that goes against any of these statements?
MY KIDS WILL NOT REMEMBER ME…
Next, I made a list of things I will NOT be remembered for.
My kids will not remember me for my immaculately clean, organized house.
My kids will not remember me for being on time wherever I go.
My kids will not remember me for my consistent routines and schedules in our family.
I think there’s something very freeing about writing down what I will not be remembered for. Now there’s no pressure! Nobody’s going to remember me for that anyway.
YOU CAN’T BE ALL THE MOMS
I’m sure you’ve heard it said before that we can’t be “all the moms.” You can’t be crafty-Pinterest-mom and crunchy-granola-mom and sporty-soccer-mom and organized-minimalist-mom and laid-back-fun-mom all at the same time! And I dare say, not even in the same lifetime.
And that’s okay. Your kids don’t need you to be all those things. They need you to be you. They need you to love them in your own way and with the gifts and talents God has given you.
Embrace the mom that God has made you to be and let go of the mom God has not made you to be.
Going back to the eulogy… what do you want your kids to say about you at your funeral? Here’s what I came up with for me:
“We rarely had clothes in our dresser drawers, but we always had a basket of clean laundry in the living room. We rarely knew what was for dinner ahead of time, but there was always a delicious meal on the table. Our house may not have been super clean and organized, but mom was always ready to play games with us.
“Do you know what I loved most about my mom? She was always excited to see us when we woke up in the morning or got home from school. She would read to us for hours. Her love for books was contagious. She let us play in the mud and climb trees and build forts and shoot bows and arrows in the backyard. She would watch TV shows like Transformers and Star Wars. She would lay beside us in bed each night and rub our backs and ask about our day. She would pray that God would help us to be strong and courageous.
“She loved God with all her heart. We often saw her reading her Bible first thing in the morning. Yes, she got frustrated at times. She would sometimes yell. But she would also ask for forgiveness. She wouldn’t give in to our whining or begging. She chose to do what was best for us, even though we didn’t realize it at the time.”
Mommas, I want to encourage you to sit down and write out something like this, from the perspective of your own kids.
An exercise like this can help you focus on what’s really important in your life. Whenever you feel like you’re floundering or you don’t know what your priorities are, pull out this eulogy.
WHAT WILL YOU BE REMEMBERED FOR?
As we wrap up today, here’s your challenge. Answer the following questions.
- What do you want to be known for?
- What will you not be known for?
- Which kind of mom will you let go of today? (“I don’t have to be the Pinterest party mom. We can have balloons and icecream for his birthday and it will be great.”)
Complete these statements:
I am not the mom who _______________________, but I will be the mom who ___________________.
Here are a few examples:
I am not the mom who swims in the ocean with my kids, but I will be the mom who reads books with them.
I am not the mom who plays hide and seek with my kids, but I will be the mom who plays board games and card games.
I am not the mom who has all the laundry put away, but I will be the mom who tells my kids I love them.
Now, I’m not saying that there isn’t room for growth in certain areas. (I mean, I would certainly LOVE my house to be perfectly clean all the time). I just know that we as moms tend to be really hard on ourselves for our shortcomings and weaknesses and we don’t give ourselves enough credit for all the ways we love our children well.
Just remember that God knows your heart. He knows your intentions. He loves your children more than you do. Let go of the unrealistic ideal mom that you are not, and embrace the mom God has created you to be. Because that’s who your kids need most.
HOW WELL DO YOU KNOW YOUR SON?
I have created a fun quiz for you that will help you get to know your son a little better, understand his strengths and weaknesses, and connect with his heart on a deeper level.
After taking the quiz, you’ll receive tips on how to build a deeper relationship with your son’s specific personality type.