Hey there, Momma!
It sounds like TRANSFERRING RESPONSIBILITY might be the best heart-based parenting tool to use with your son right now.
You want to connect with your son’s heart, but you’re not sure how. Transferring Responsibility will help your son create ownership and a sense of obligation to do what’s right.
Below you will find some practical tips on how to transfer responsibility to your son.
This is just one of the 7 heart-based parenting tools. Check your inbox over the next few days and weeks for more practical tools you can use to connect with your son’s heart.
Your first email should be in your inbox now! (Be sure to check your updates folder). This email will explain what it means to parent from a heart-based approach.
Heart-Based Parenting Tool: Transferring Responsibility
When you transfer responsibility to your son, it allows him to create ownership for his life. He moves from mere compliance, to cooperation. He learns to take initiative and contribute to household tasks and functioning. And who of us moms wouldn’t like some more help around the house?
But transferring responsibility isn’t just about getting more done. It’s about developing heart qualities in our boys that will allow them to grow into responsible, conscientious adults.
When we transfer responsibility to our sons, we use phrases like “You need to,” instead of “I need you to.” This phrase transfers the responsibility to your son. He begins to develop a sense of obligation to do a task.
In discipline situations, rather than asking your son, “What happened?,” ask him “What did you do wrong?” This teaches him to take responsibility for his own actions and not blame others.
When emotions get out of control, as they so often do, teach your son how to take responsibility for his own emotions. He needs to calm down and change his heart before anything else can be accomplished. (This process of “calming down and changing your heart” is called “The Break.” Stay tuned for an entire podcast episode on what this process looks like).
Practical Tips for Transferring Responsibility
When we transfer responsibility to our kids, we help to build internal motivation. Here are a few practical tips for helping your child take responsibility in your home:
- Give him a chore list. Rather than nagging him or reminding him about each individual task, tell him to “go check your list.”
- Teach him about “honor jobs.” Have him look around the house and find two things that need to be done. After he does those things, he needs to report back to you and let you know what he did. This task helps him to recognize ways he can help around the house and show honor to the members of your family.
- Use cues to help your child remember important tasks. Then refer to the cue, not the task.
— For example: Your son is supposed to be ready for school by 8:00. Rather than nagging him that it’s soon time to go, just tell him to “check the clock.”
— Another example: Your son is supposed to take the trash out on Tuesdays. Rather than reminding him to take out the trash, establish a “cue.” “Hey Sam, what day is it today?” (It’s Tuesday… Oh right! I need to take out the trash!)
- Talk to your child about the conscience. God has given us a conscience to help us to remember to do the right thing.
- Have clear expectations for your kids and make sure they know the “right” way to do certain tasks in your home.
— Before you leave the table, you need to ask to be excused.
— When you use the bathroom, you need to flush the toilet.
— When you get home from school, you need to hang up your coat and backpack.
- Once expectations have been set, you only need to refer to the “cue” if your child doesn’t follow the routine.
— “Hey, come into the bathroom for a minute. Is there something you forgot to do?”
— “That is not the proper way to leave the table. Please come back and try again.”
— “I noticed you didn’t follow the procedure when you came in the door after school. Please take care of that.”
If you consistently put these tips into practice, you will be surprised at how quickly you will begin to see changes in your son’s heart.
Go check your inbox right now for your first email from me. Be sure to check your “updates” folder. Then, right-click on the email from Laurie Christine, select “Move to Inbox,” then select “Do this for future emails from this sender.” That way you won’t miss out on any of the parenting tools I’ll be sending your way!
Laurie Christine is a Certified Biblical Parenting Coach, trained by the National Center for Biblical Parenting (NCBP). All information covered in this series of emails is courtesy of the NCBP. For more information, check out the resources on their website, www.biblicalparenting.org
MEET LAURIE CHRISTINE
Laurie Christine is a certified Biblical Parenting Coach, author, podcast host, wife, and mom of four wild, loud, adventurous boys.
Her podcast, Redeeming the Chaos, invites moms of boys to join her in the wild, wonderful adventure of raising courageous boys and connecting them with Christ.
In addition to hosting a podcast, Laurie writes devotional Bible stories for families. As a mom of four young boys, she understands how important it is for parents to connect with their children, while communicating the truth of God’s Word to them in a way they can understand.
Check out these resources from the National Center for Biblical Parenting
Parenting is Heart Work
In this book you will learn:
* How to connect to your child’s heart to bring about change.
* Ways to correct that are more powerful and last longer.
* To help your child reign in emotions.
* How to use common, everyday activity to build life-skills.
* Biblical, practical tools that work.
PHW Training Manual
In this book, you will learn:
* How to develop strategic, biblical, practical routines of family life.
* How to give day-to-day instructions in a way that builds cooperation and responsibility.
* Practical ideas for connecting with your kids emotionally so that their hearts will be soft and teachable.
* How to integrate key success principles into your family.
Motivate Your Child
In this book you will learn:
* How to parent in ways that build internal motivation so that kids don’t have to rely on you to get things done.
* The four promptings of the conscience and how to coordinate your parenting to takeadvantage of them.
* Ways to energize your spiritual training with fun and creativity.
* How to help children respond to mistakes instead of blaming, defending, or justifying.
MYC Action Plan
In this book, you will learn:
* A step-by-step guide to identify a specific problem and then define a character-based solution.
* How to craft a parenting plan tailored to your child’s unique gifts and needs.
When parents have defined plans, they move forward with more confidence, see changes more quickly, and experience hope as they grow in their relationship with their child.
Are you interested in working with Laurie Christine in our eight week, one-on-one parent coaching program?