How can moms connect with their boys? How can we better understand our preteen and teenage sons? In today’s episode, I continue my conversation with David Thomas, author of Wild Things. He’s going to help us understand how moms can connect with their boys and what mistakes we need to avoid with our preteen and teenage sons.
WELCOME TO EPISODE 38 OF REDEEMING THE CHAOS WITH LAURIE CHRISTINE.
We have been talking about the book Wild Things by Stephen James and David Thomas. God has hardwired our boys to be wild! As moms, this is sometimes a hard concept to understand, but it’s so important for us to realize how God has created our boys, so that we can raise them to be strong, courageous young men.
In our last episode of Redeeming the Chaos, I had the privilege of interviewing David Thomas, one of the authors of the book Wild Things. In today’s episode, I wrap up my conversation with David Thomas.
David Thomas, is Licensed Master Social Worker, and the Director of Family Counseling at Daystar Counseling (daystarcounseling.com) in Nashville, TN. He is the co-author of eight books, including the best-selling Wild Things: The Art of Nurturing Boys and Are My Kids on Track? The 12 Emotional, Social & Spiritual Milestones Your Child Needs to Reach. He is a frequent guest on national television and podcasts, including his own podcast, Raising Boys and Girls.
This is the second of a two-part episode where I interview David Thomas. In our last episode we talked about the first two stages of a boy’s development into manhood – the Explorer stage and the Lover Stage. If you missed that episode, go back and listen to Episode 37 – What Do Boys Need from their Mom?
In my conversation with David Thomas today, we discuss stages 3, 4 and 5 in a boy’s development: the Individual, the Wanderer and the Warrior. We zero in on what boys need from their moms, how can moms connect with their boys, as well as some mistakes moms often make.
Here is the second part of my interview with David Thomas:
3). The Individual (ages 9-12)
- We need to understand that boys are searching for identity and masculinity
- He needs information about the changes he experiencing
- Boys are very aware of social hierarchy
What do boys need from their moms?
- Lots of supervision
- Most boys have exposure to internet pornography between ages of 9-12
- If he’s hanging out with friends and it get quiet, go check in on what they’re doing
- Groups of boys together often get into trouble
- Boys need education about changing bodies and relationships
- It’s okay for moms to start these conversations at this age
- If Dad Isn’t around, find other trustworthy men to get involved
- Resources are available:
- Guy Stuff – The Body Book for Boys – Cara Natterson (affiliate link)
- Flight Plan (affiliate link)
What are some mistakes moms make with their boys?
- Don’t lecture, don’t talk too long face to face
- If there’s an issue that needs to be addressed, try talking side by side around a task
- Eye to eye conversation can feel threatening
- Watch what happens when he’s not aware that he’s supposed to be talking
- Take advantage of nighttime pillow talk
4). The Wanderer (ages 13-17)
- This is a difficult stage of development for boys
- He’s arrogant, argumentative, insecure
- Moms often fear this stage
- We all made it to the other side
- Go read about the “Warrior” stage coming next so you can cast a vision for your son
What do boys need from mom?
- Lots of mercy
- He’s incapable of being his best self
- Acknowledgement that he is at a difficult stage of development
- Boys need love, nurture, structure, boundaries
How can moms connect with their boys?
- Lots of eating out – connect over food
- Watch his favorite movies together
- Go to a concert together
- “Because I love you, I will enter into your world.”
5). The Warrior (ages 18-22)
- He’s developing more abstract thinking
- He sees his relationship with mom differently
- Sees mom as a real person
- Enjoy this time!
How can a mom prepare her heart to launch her boy into adulthood?
- You’ve prepared for this moment
- This is what parenting is about – raising your son to go out into the world on his own, to be all God created him to be
- Our world is short on great men – you are offering the world a strong, courageous man who loves God and loves others. This is an honor.
- You are partnering with God to send your boys out into the world.
You can find David Thomas at www.raisingboysandgirls.com, where you’ll find links to his books as well as his podcast, Raising Boys and Girls.
A CHRISTMAS GIFT FOR YOU
The Night the Angels Got Lost
I have a special Christmas gift for you. My free ebook, The Night the Angels Got Lost is a captivating, three-part family Christmas devotional for kids ages 6-10.
The Night the Angels Got Lost retells a familiar story through the first-hand experience of a young shepherdess. Connect with your kids on a deeper level this Christmas as you join young Abigail on the hills outside of Bethlehem. Enjoy a cup of cocoa and snuggle by the fireplace, using this book to inspire imagination and encourage thoughtful discussion as a family.
Capture your children’s attention and connect with their hearts as together you celebrate the arrival of the Promised Child.
OTHER CHRISTMAS PODCAST EPISODES
Want a few more Christmas episodes to listen to in the upcoming weeks?
(Includes audio version of The Night the Angels Got Lost, part 1)
(Includes audio version of The Night the Angels Got Lost, part 2)
(Includes audio version of The Night the Angels Got Lost, part 3)