How to Navigate Sibling Conflict
“What is causing the quarrels and fights among you?” How many of you have said that to your kids before? I know I have! I would estimate about 95% of conflict and parenting challenges in our household stems from sibling conflict.
As moms of young men, we know that fighting among boys often gets very physical. While girls may sulk and hold a grudge for weeks on end, boys tend to explode with big emotions and lash out physically at whichever sibling is nearest to them. (this is a generality. I’m sure you can tell me stories of your girls who have broken out into fist fights as well)
Fights & Quarrels
So, what causes these fights and quarrels?
If you didn’t pick up on it, this question is a quote from James chapter 4. I’ll read the rest of the passage here:
“What is causing the quarrels and fights among you? Don’t they come from the evil desires at war within you? 2 You want what you don’t have, so you scheme and kill to get it. You are jealous of what others have, but you can’t get it, so you fight and wage war to take it away from them.”
Does that sound familiar? Our kids have strong desires. Maybe they want the biggest piece of cake for dessert. Maybe they want the best, squishiest chair for movie night, or the front seat in the minivan. Maybe they want to be treated fairly, maybe they just want to be left alone. (Granted, not all these desires are evil… but often a big desire is the underlying cause of sibling conflict).
And look what the verse says… you scheme and kill… you are jealous… you fight and wage war… all this in order to get what you want. Sound familiar? Now, hopefully the conflict in our homes has not escalated to the point of killing… however, in the book of Matthew Jesus says “hating” someone is just as bad as “murdering them” in our hearts.
How do we navigate sibling conflict?
So, how do we deal with the conflict that inevitably arises between siblings? How can we teach our kids to show kindness and love to each other, rather than seeking revenge?
We have a guest on the show today to help us answer these questions.
B.J. Meurer has worked with families for over 25 years as an elementary educator, biblical parenting coach & presenter, and digital course creator. He has coached families with children of all ages and stages facing a wide variety of emotional, mental, and biological challenges and helped them discover and personalize the practical heart-based tools and strategies that bring about positive change in their families. You can find many more of B.J.’s parenting resources and videos at JesusHelpMeParent.com.
In This Episode, We Cover:
Why sibling conflict is so common, especially in families with boys.
The three core heart issues behind conflict:
- Anger ➡️ Solution: Peacemaking
- Selfishness ➡️ Solution: Honor & Selflessness
- Foolishness ➡️ Solution: Wisdom
How big emotions play a role in sibling conflict.
Why emotions aren’t the problem—how to navigate them instead of squashing them.
Helping kids recognize and express emotions in healthy, biblical ways.
Strategies for parents in the heat of the moment.
Moving from being a referee to a coach in your parenting.
Conflict resolution strategies:
- Ignore (without bitterness)
- Confront (without anger)
- Tell (without tattling)
Using proactive coaching: before, during, and after conflict.
Practical scripts and routines to help kids communicate and resolve issues.
How to affirm the good choices your kids make—even if the conflict isn’t fully resolved.
🛠 Resources From BJ:
- Your Child’s Roadmap for Navigating BIG Emotions – https://bit.ly/emotionsroadmap
- The 3 Step Family Peace Plan: Resolving Sibling Conflicts and Beyond – https://www.jesushelpmeparent.com/register
- The 3 Step Big Emotions Game Plan – https://www.jesushelpmeparent.com/bigemotions
- Free Resource: Your Child’s Roadmap for Navigating BIG Emotions – https://bit.ly/emotionsroadmap
- More Free Resources: https://www.jesushelpmeparent.com/resources
📬 Connect with BJ Meurer:
- Website: JesusHelpMeParent.com
- YouTube: Jesus Help Me Parent Channel
- https://www.facebook.com/JesusHelpMeParent
- https://www.instagram.com/JesusHelpMeParent
🙋♀️ Connect with Laurie Christine:
‼️ IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT ‼️
This podcast, Redeeming the Chaos, is about to get a big makeover. In fact, it’s going to have a whole new name altogether! (I’ll get to that in just a sec).
I started Redeeming the Chaos back in 2020. Hard to believe it’s been 5 years! For those of you who have been with me from the beginning, a huge Thank You. I greatly appreciate your support of the show.
Redeeming the Chaos is a podcast for moms of boys who are feeling frazzled and overwhelmed by the responsibility of raising boys. We’ve been on a journey together to raise strong, courageous young warriors for the Kingdom of God.
Well, that mission, to raise strong, courageous young men who fight for God’s Kingdom, is not going to change. And my target audience, Moms of Boys, is not going to change either. (Although, we may make room for dads and grandparents of boys as well).
All the episodes of Redeeming the Chaos up to this point will continue to be available, but going forward, the all the new episodes will be under the new podcast name.
May I introduce to you… (drum roll) The Sword and Story Podcast! Where we discuss and evaluate books for Christian Boys.
If you’ve been listening to this show for any length of time, you know that I love books. I love reading books to my kids, I love listening to audiobooks, and of course, as an author, I love writing books! I’m always on the lookout for for new books and series for my kids to dive into … books that are free of woke agendas and explicit sexuality.
The Sword and Story podcast is dedicated to helping Christian parents discover exciting, faith-filled books for their boys—stories packed with courage, honor, and adventure, written from a Christian worldview.
The show will include several different types of episodes:
- We will be interviewing Christian authors who understand what boys love to read,
- We will review books that ignite our boys’ imaginations and inspire courage
- We will discuss popular mainstream books as well—intentionally examining which themes align with a biblical worldview, which themes don’t, and how we can teach our boys to read with discernment.
We’ll examine questions like:
- What is true in this story?
- What values can we embrace, and which ones should we reject?
- Which themes reflect the big story of the Bible, and which contradict it?
Our goal is to equip parents to guide their sons in wise, biblical thinking, helping them become strong, discerning readers who recognize and stand for truth.
If you’re looking for books for your boys with thrilling storytelling from a Christian worldview, then you’re in the right place.
Join us as we champion clean, courageous fiction for the next generation of Christian warriors.
You can learn more about The Sword and Story Podcast at www.SwordandStoryPodcast.com. And of course, you’ll still have access to all the Redeeming the Chaos episodes at www.RedeemingtheChaos.com.
Over the next few months, I’m going to be releasing some transitional episodes, including an interview I did a few years ago with Mark Hancock, the CEO of Trail Life USA, where we discuss the importance of letting our boys be boys, and what that even means.
Because if we’re going to talk about books for boys, we first need to understand the nature of boys and what makes them tick. We need to understand what they’re made of (And having four boys of my own, I can attest that the poet who said boys are made of frogs and snails and puppy dog tails, were not far off. But I may add in there – sticks and rocks and worms and dead squirrels to the list as well).
Another interview coming up will be with James R Hannibal, author of the middle grade Lightraider series and role playing game, especially designed with Christian boys in mind.
I’ll also be re-releasing some early episodes of Redeeming the Chaos that you may not have heard before! They’ll include topics like “Why are my boys so wild?” And “Why are my boys obsessed with battles, bombs, and booby traps?”
While you all listen to some of those transitional episodes, I’ll be taking the next few months to record NEW interviews for The Sword and Story Podcast.
One of the new, fun things about this podcast is that I want to hear from your boys! I will have a segment of the show dedicated to short clips and interviews where we hear directly from your boys about the kinds of books they love to read. I already have about 15 of those short interviews recorded (I was able to record a lot of them in person when I went to the Teach Them Diligiently Homeschool Convention in Ohio last month).
If you have a boy between the ages of 8-18 and you would like YOUR son’s voice to appear on the podcast, head over to www.SwordandStoryPodcast.com , scroll down to the section that says, “For Boys” and click on the button that says “Listener form.”
I’m really excited about The Sword and Story Podcast. I hope you’ll stick around, and also tell your friends about it! Tune in next time for The Sword and Story Podcast!
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